No really, what About Socialization?

By:  Rebecca Kochenderfer
Seriously- people still ask that question. 
If only homeschoolers had a nickel for every time they heard the question, "…but what about socialization?" I'd be rich! That infamous socialization question, for any seasoned homeschooler, is quite a humorous one!


Although non-homeschoolers worry that homeschooling may turn children into social misfits, we know that the opposite is true and the positive socialization is one of the best reasons to homeschool your children.

For centuries, children have learned socialization within the context of their own family and community. Institutionalized education is relatively new to the human condition. It is, and it always has been, through the home environment, that children learn the vast majority of their socialization skills. 

[I've also heard the "well, eventually they'll have to face the real world."  Exactly!  And where does most of our "real world" happen when a child's grown?- IN THE HOME.  And where do we want them learning the skills of how to "deal with the real world"?  FROM THE HOMEMAKER!  Homeschooled kids are out in the community dealing and communicating with people of ALL ages, ALL ethnic backgrounds, of ALL socioeconomic classes, ALL the time.  Just because one is home-educated doesn't mean they're home alone.  Yes, people still think this.  Being stuck behind 4 walls for 8 hours a day with only people of their own age and maturity doesn't define effective socialization to me.]

Research supports this. According to Home Schooling and the Question of Socialization by Richard G. Medlin, "Home-schooled children are taking part in the daily routines of their communities. They are certainly not isolated; in fact, they associate with--and feel close to--all sorts of people."

He continues, "Home schooling parents can take much of the credit for this. For, with their children's long-term social development in mind, they actively encourage their children to take advantage of social opportunities outside the family. Home-schooled children are acquiring the rules of behavior and systems of beliefs and attitudes they need. They have good self-esteem and are likely to display fewer behavior problems than do other children. They may be more socially mature and have better leadership skills than other children as well. And they appear to be functioning effectively as members of adult society."

This and other studies support the irony of the socialization issue in homeschooling that we have known for years, which is that traditional schools are actually more on a path of de-socialization. In traditional schools students learn to stay in a class to which they've been assigned and are grouped according to age and academic level, and generally with students from the same geographic area and socio-economic background.

So in a sense, as I like to say, many people are homeschooling because of socialization reasons.

I remember my daughter, while she was in a traditional school, getting in trouble because she wanted to talk to her friends in class and the teacher kept saying ‘We're not here to socialize, young lady." The structure and reality of traditional schools are teaching students to be passive and compliant, which can follow the children throughout life. Children can learn to take abuse, to ignore miserable bosses or abusive spouses later on. In a traditional school someone else usurps authority.

This is where homeschooling comes in. Kids in homeschooling develop self-confidence and self-esteem; they learn to deal with difficult people when they are developmentally ready. When they are ready to go out into the world they know they have choices, a foundation developed in homeschooling.

So, the big question in homeschooling socialization is "Who do we want them learning life skills from? Caring adults, or peers who don't know any more than they do?"

In other words, socialization in homeschooling works better because children have more opportunities to be socialized through the modeling of good social behavior by caring adults rather than through peers, who do not know much more than they do. Parents give their kids the skills they need to interact with other people and also have the chance to protect their children.

Now what about the good stuff like Prom and Graduation? Many non-homeschoolers ask if I feel that I am depriving my daughter of these experiences. However, my daughter both participated in Prom and Graduation—they were just not organized by the state or a school. Many states and homeschool organizations have established proms and graduations for homeschoolers and a homeschooling family can even create their own private way to celebrate rites of passage.

Homeschoolers can participate in these activities because learning is faster in a homeschool setting, which means that students have more time to socialize. Contrary to popular belief, students are not at home chained to the kitchen table and crying over their worksheets every day, or peering out their work room windows with fear and disdain!

Quite the opposite! Homeschooling gives children more time to be out in the world, with people of different ages so they can figure out where their place in the world is, what they like/dislike, etc. With the extra time, homeschoolers also make an effort to create socialization opportunities for themselves, and to take advantage of those offered in their communities.

Organized spelling and geography bees, math leagues, and science clubs give homeschoolers a chance to compete academically; and swimming, soccer, baseball and other sports also allow them to interact with their peers in athletic competition.

Scouting, 4-H, and other activities are community-based and open to anyone and so provide homeschoolers with a variety of choices for socialization. Below are some other useful ideas for finding chances to socialize.

Opportunities to Socialize:

Get connected with homeschooling support groups, both state and local organizations.
(Homeschool.com has a complete list of local homeschooling support groups at: http://www.homeschool.com/supportgroups)
Find pen pals or e-pals (email).
Participate in homeschool family get-togethers, where you can often find out about non-publicized cooperative classes and field trips.
Get involved in community resources and opportunities - sports, scouting, dance/theater, etc. Contact your local parks and recreation departments.
Check out your community college, which is a good source for older students and allows them to interact with a lot of different people of different ages.
Volunteering. Volunteering is a great way to socialize but be aware there may be age restrictions, but some organizations will allow a child to accompany a parent volunteer.
Look into Camps. Camp is a wonderful chance for socialization and most camps have multi-age groups and counselors who act as role models.
Think about summer school, which is an opportunity to experience a school setting.
The homeschool support groups mentioned above work as support for the entire homeschooling family, which is important because homeschooling parents also need socialization; they need to have support, advice, and a sounding board from time-to-time and it is especially helpful if it is another homeschooling parent. Homeschooling organizations make it a priority to provide support for the homeschooling family and to allow them to feel connected.


So, as we've always known, there is no "socialization issue" in homeschooling. If anything, homeschoolers make a concerted effort to seek out and engage in many social activities and in many ways have more opportunities for doing so than traditionally schooled children do.

*This article published November 3, 2009.