Milestones

 This kid started to read.

 Jair is 11 weeks old.

 Teagan turned 8.

 The insanity of soccer season is upon us.

 Jair took his first bottle from Teagan.

Jair Ross, 3 weeks old.  Photos taken by my dear friend, Marria Hamlin at Great Lakes Christadelphian Bible School 2012.

Jair the Giagantor at 1 month old

 I love my Daddy.

 I am very alert and interested in what is going on.

 My oldest brother loves to hold me and walk me and put me to sleep.  This time he fell asleep next to me and drooled all over his arm!

 Mom likes to play with my hair when I'm sleeping.

I'm getting so chubby.  Mom calles me Tubby.

Yeah, I smile when I'm sleeping too.  Sleep is good.

Jair Tobias Ross 6-16-12 at 11:40am

Since the kid is 6 weeks old now- I thought I should probably blog about his arrival and get everyone updated.  Here he is- Jair (pronounced Jay-air) Tobias Ross arrived at home in the tub at 11:40pm on June 16, 2012 after 6 hours of active labor.  He was 20 1/2" long, and 7 lbs and 8 ounces. 

The name Jair is Hebrew and means "God Enlightens".  There were 4 different Jairs in the Bible and was the first and only name that my husband picked out and liked!  Naturally, he was an instant hit with the siblings.  Teagan said he was the "cutest little rascal she had ever seen!"  Ireson told him that he was so happy that he was finally here and "out of me."  James was so excited to be able to pick him up and walk around with him and hasn't stopped kissing him since he came out.  They are all great babysitters! 
So here's the story.  On Tuesday June 12th I started having serious contractions.  This was odd for me since with all my other babies I always had my water break and then I had my first contraction and then within 7 hours I deliver a baby.  That's what I do- *normally*.  Well, Jair decided he wanted to be different.  The contractions were uncomfortable enough that I even called James and told him to head home from work that evening since when I start contracting things progress quickly in a "wam bam thank you maam" sort of way.  Then as Tuesday night progressed- nothing.  Darn it all.

Come Wednesday, I had a couple good contractions but there wasn't a pattern any more.  Then come Thursday it all came to a stand still and I'm thinking- what the highty hoe neighbor is going on?!  Meanwhile, each day I continued with a normal day's activities of cleaning, gardening, walking, mowing, etc. and come Friday am, still nothing!  I'm getting seriously antsy since we are supposed to leave to our vacation in two weeks exactly.  I was also bored out of my mind!  "Bored" = a word we don't use in our house yet completely justifiable for a pregnant woman, stuck at home amidst eager anticipation!

Friday, my Mom came over for some Grammie fun and lunch.  The entire afternoon I was having some fun contractions of the "oh crap these hurt so stop teasing me and do something already" sort.  I kept on trudging through succumbed to the fact that nothing was going to happen because I've been playing this game for almost 4 days now.

Later that day my Dad came over for dinner.  We were all outside sitting around and chatting being all lazy when I stood up to go inside for some reason or another and whoosh..(or gush rather)... and oh happy of days my water finally broke!  I went inside, stuck a towel between my legs, called James to come home, called my midwife, and headed up stairs to set up camp, aka- my birthing kit.  At this point, we're all excited because B-day is finally here.  Then the unthinkable happened, rather didn't happen....as in nothing happened.  And again I say NOTHING!  I was losing fluid steadily and not a single stinkin' contraction!  Not my *Normal*.  I figured I'd go to bed and try to get some sleep since it was going on 10 pm.  I slept great!  Probably better than I had slept in days!  Yet- not a single contraction all night long. 

We got up the next morning, Teagan comes in our room and says, "You haven't had that kid yet?!  Come on already!"  Yeah, no kidding kid.  That day we had nothing on the agenda except to get this kid out.  We went for a huge walk to the park, did more yard work and waited.  Finally,  I started having regular, good, hard contractions around 5pm. 

I called my midwife with the update.  Meanwhile, she had been with another client who had been in labor for over three days.  The lady was a vaginal birth after Cesarean (VBAC) and this was her first home birth.  Pam, my midwife was understandably torn.  Only 4 times in the past 15 years has my midwife had to have her backup attend one of her own client's births. 

Of course you want your own midwife.  You develop an awesome relationship with your midwife when you do home birth. It's a different dimension in every way than a hospital birth.  I put her at ease and I told her that I had total confidence in her back up midwife since she wouldn't just have *anyone* as a backup and to stay and send her.  So it was decided that her backup would come to my birth, and Nicole  showed up around 8pm.  As I had prayed, she.was. FABULOUS!  She had noticed all the scriptures I had posted around the house, and she asked me about them, told me of her own Christian convictions and then asked me if she could pray for me and our birth!  Yes, I love her.  God certainly blessed this circumstance.

So without going into all the graphic details, Jair was born at 11:40pm.  About 7 hours later after going in to transition after about the first hour of active labor...as I *normally* do.  He came out posterior, as all my kids *normally* do...however he also decided to come out sideways.  Yes, his head came out looking left.  I had done all these crazy maneuvers during labor as my cervix, though dilated, kept coming down with his head rather than go up over his head as it should.  My midwife used some amazing homeopathic medicines on me to help my cervix melt away and it only took two contractions after taking it to make that happen.  His arm was up and in the way too, just like Ireson had done in labor, so that demanded more crazy maneuvering!  I *normally* always throw-up or dry heave through the last hour or two of labor and this was no exception.  Though I only pushed 3 times, I had 5 hands "down there" helping hold either my perineum, hold me up in my squat, stretch my "lady parts", or steer baby's head as it came out.  It was rough.  It was violent at the end.  That's the only word I can use to describe it-violent.  Ireson's labor was bad, as in hard core intense, but I think Jair out did him.  *Normally* people's labors get easier with each progressive kid.  Mine do the opposite.  At least, my normal active labor stayed the same.

As things got harder, Nicole prayed over me.  She went out into the hall, called her friend and Pam, my normal midwife, and asked them to pray for me.  James was praying over me.  I was screaming, quite literally, and praying/screaming to God.  My mom actually had to go stand in the hall because it was too intense for a bit there.  Nothing was scary or dangerous or bad, it was just intense and hard.  Hard isn't even a good word.  It was the awesome fear of God. We didn't even have Mom get the kids up because it was too much at the time.  Once baby was out- the kids actually woke up to him crying even though they didn't hear my screaming for the 3 hours prior!  Gee thanks. 

All I needed was a bit of vindication for all my hard work and I got it when my midwife said, "You know, in all the fifteen years I've been doing this, I can honestly say, that labor was one of the 'tougher' ones.  It's in my top twenty."  That's right baby!  She was basically saying I was a rock star. 

My uterus didn't prolapse this time as it did last time though I did start to hemorrhage, as I did with Ireson.  She simply hooked me up with some more fantastic homeopathic meds, and I immediately started to nurse baby within the first 15 minutes as everyone after birth should and I was all good.  Don't even get me started on all the unecessary things they would have done to me in a hospital had I been there!

Recovery was fast and fabulous.  I felt so good the next day that I was cleaning like a mad woman and out doing yard work.  Yep, God knew what he was doing when he designed natural childbirth. 

Overall, it was awesome (in hindsight) though I'm fine with not doing that again in such a hard manner!  though I'm sure that feeling will wear off in time:)

Stop the Madness!

So with the onset of summer has come an onset of growth and new adventures.  James got glasses and aged in appearance a good 2-3 years.  He enjoys wearing them as he "can see a whole new world and it really helps with (his) sports." 

Storm has more than doubled in size and is 6 months old and as annoying as a puppy can be.  The kids do a pretty good job with her all in all though it will be nice when she's not so stinkin' needy for attention.

 I am 30 lbs up, and 39 weeks pregnant in the picture and expecting the next installment of testosterone in our family tree and very anxious to get it going already.  Enough said.

Tootherson is 5 1/2 and is pulling out his own stinkin' teeth!  I offered to go get him some gauze to help grip it to pull it out and then 20 seconds later he meets me in his bathroom and show me his toothless, proud grin.  He informs me that he didn't need the "silly gauze" he just pulled it out himself with "my bare hands."  Silly me- I should have known.  This development comes only a week after his Dad had one of those "moments" that make you miss your baby.  Ireson drove home with his Dad and fell asleep in his car one evening.  James carried him inside and laid him on the couch passed out and cuddled him for a minute.  Then it hit him.  The realization that this 45 pound big boy isn't his baby anymore.  It's a good thing that we're having another baby because we can't handle all this growing up and we miss the innocence.

Teagan, almost 8, has become quite the little mother.  After only 10 weeks of gymnastics training she is becoming quite the little acrobat.  She has a natural talent for tumbling.  She can already do a head stand, lengthy hand stand, and a back hand spring with one hand from a spotter, back bend kick over, front tuck on the trampoline, and every kind of splits.  Sheesh.  This is going to be an expensive sport.  I used to love gymnastics and I can't wait to get back into shape so I can prove to her that I can still do a back walk over, pull up, and the splits too!  Gymnastics was my thing and oh yes I can missy I've warned her! 

She's also a huge help and I'm so excited to see how her motherly instincts evolve with the arrival of the baby.  With all the time working with my midwife, she has really developed a base knowledge and passion for home birthing and she thinks she wants to become a midwife!

She informs me that she's "most excited to change the baby's diaper, help burp him, and clean up the house after the stinkin' boys."

Ireson is most excited to "hold his baby brother, not be the baby brother anymore, and smell him."

James is most excited to "get the baby out of his crib and carry him around.  I don't need to change his diaper or smell him." 

Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Children

I do NOT love my children more than my husband.  Sound shocking?  I bet.  If I declared that on national TV I would probably get more negative criticism in one day than I have in my entire life thus far.  "But how could she?  The children should always ome first!  Doesn't she know how this will affect her children's self esteem!...yada yada yada."

Most of what the world teaches and marriages portray is that the children come first.  It is sadly obvious in this "it's all about me" world/ mentality that we allow to run rampant in our own homes.  Allowing the children to come before your marriage simply promotes the "It's all about me" mentality in children! 

I've so often witnessed the idealistic romantic love placed on having children and the thought that it will "fix" a marriage:  "This child will love me unconditionally," "The void in my marriage I'm feeling will somehow magically be filled when I have a child," and so on and so forth.  You know what I'm talking about.

Since there is often a tendency to prioritize our children to the neglect of our marriage, here are a couple of thoughts on how to avoid that danger.

There are at least three reasons that make prioritizing our children over our marriage both foolish and dangerous:

1. Our children will eventually leave home. Prepare your marriage for the empty nest:
To my knowledge, I’ve never talked to a person who divorced after twenty-five or thirty years who didn’t say something like this: “Once the kids were gone, we realized we really didn’t have much of a marriage.” Building a marriage on the foundation of the preeminence of children is like building a house on a rented removable slab. You may have days or even years when you feel completely secure, but the day is coming when the lease will be up and the foundation upon which your home stands will be taken away. A family shepherd must not allow his family to fall into this trap.

2. Our marriage forms the cornerstone of our children’s security:
Ironically, those who prioritize their children above their marriage are not only jeopardizing their marriage, they’re actually depriving their children of the very thing they desire to provide them. The greatest source of security our children have in this world is a God-honoring, Christ-centered marriage between their parents. Putting the children first is like a police officer putting away his badge and gun in order to make the public feel more at ease. A family shepherd must put his marriage before his children in order to provide them with the security they both need and desire.

3. Putting your marriage first will actually prepare your children for marriage:
Prioritizing your children above your marriage is both foolish and dangerous because it sets a precedent that contradicts one of the greatest lessons you’ll ever teach your children—how to be good husbands and wives. We must first and foremost model a commitment to marriage. Failure to do this will communicate ideas that are contrary to what we believe—starting with the narcissism it tends to create in our children—including the pitfalls that may follow them into their marriage. For example, if we prioritize our children above our marriage, we teach our children that marriage exists for children. If this is the case, how will our children react to the early months or years of their marriage when there are no children? How will they respond if, God forbid, they should struggle with infertility? If the heart of marriage is “living for the kids,” these scenarios could be difficult at best.

Jesus our Savior—and our example of what a bridegroom truly is—laid down his life for his bride (Eph. 5:25). He doesn’t neglect her for another. And it’s this relationship of our Savior to his bride that governs our understanding of our role as wives/husbands and family shepherds. We must give ourselves to and for our wives/husbands. We must view them not only as ours but as us!

As I often remind myself concerning my husband, “He’s not just mine; he’s me. He's bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh (Gen. 2:23); he’s my body (Eph. 5:28–29), and he is my head (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23). We are one (Eph. 5:31; see also Gen. 2:24); and our union is a blessing to our children (1 Cor. 7:14).”

As family shepherds, our primary mission is to love our wives/husbands as our own selves. We must not allow anything to interfere with this mission. Neither our careers nor our children can be allowed to keep us from our task of modeling for the world the beautiful, mysterious, one-flesh union of our Savior and his bride (Eph. 5:33).

Gospel requirements and gospel productions

Good study I came across:

Family shepherds must know the difference between law and gospel. We must know the difference between committing ourselves to leadership in our families because it’s “right,” and looking to Christ as the Good Shepherd who, by his grace, will conform us to the will of his Father as we trust and obey him.

We must also know the difference between condemning our family with the law and shepherding them with the gospel. We must know the difference between what the gospel requires and what the gospel produces.

WHAT THE GOSPEL REQUIRES
All the gospel requires from us is repentance and faith.

• This is the message Jesus conveyed: “From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand’” (Matt. 4:17; see also Mark 1:15).
• This was Peter’s message on the day of Pentecost when, filled with the Spirit, he turned to the crowd and said, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38).
• And again: “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out” (Acts 3:19).
• This is also the message Paul proclaimed at Mars Hill: “The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30).

It’s absurd to expect obedience from men who are “dead in the trespasses and sins” (Eph. 2:1)—men who “are in the flesh” and who consequently “cannot please God” (Rom. 8:8). This is the heart of Paul’s argument in Galatians. There he makes it clear that we are “justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified” (Gal. 2:16). It is not our good works, our righteousness, our obedience that triggers the gospel’s effect in our lives; rather, the gospel calls simply for our repentance and our trust in Christ. This distinction must mark our
understanding and proclamation of the gospel.

WHAT THE GOSPEL PRODUCES
While repentance and faith are what the gospel requires, what the gospel produces is obedience to all the Lord’s commands.

• This is clear when John writes: Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. (1 John 2:4–6)
• This is in keeping with Paul’s comment in 2 Corinthians 5:17 on the nature of true conversion: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has Family come.”
• This, of course, is to God’s glory, not ours; for it’s God who has made us “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Pet. 2:9).
• Make no mistake: “It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). Our obedience is produced by God, not by us. This obedience is the fruit or evidence of the work of the gospel in our lives.
• Those who love the Lord keep his commandments (John 14:15, 21).
• Moreover, Jesus associates the keeping of his commandments with abiding in his love (John 15:10), not trying to earn it.

WHY THESE DISTINCTIONS MATTER
All this may seem like splitting theological hairs, but I assure you these distinctions are crucial. Confusing what the gospel produces with what the gospel requires will lead either to a sterile works-righteousness on the one hand or to lawlessness on the other.
For example, if we work toward getting our unbelieving children to do that which only the gospel can produce in the life of a believer, and fail to point them to the undeniable truth that there’s nothing in and of themselves whereby they may obey in a manner that will satisfy God’s righteousness, then we’re essentially telling them they can please God on their own—something the Bible says is impossible (Rom. 8:8).
On the other hand, if we merely throw up our hands in surrender, never calling our children to repentance and never holding up to them the mirror of God’s unattainable standard of righteousness, then our children will think themselves safe and secure when in fact they stand condemned before a holy and righteous judge. They must know that in the Lord’s sight, “all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment” (Isa. 64:6).
Thus, we must teach our children to view the law as “our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith (Gal. 3:24). Only then does the gospel have its full impact.

Ireson Wisdom

"Mom, in my life I'm going to live until I stop living. Okay?" 


"Mom, I changed my mind- I don't want bubbles in my bath." (After he's already in the tub immersed in bubbles.) 
Me-:Well, I'm sorry can you forgive me and choose to be happy anyway?" Bubblerson- "Well next time you need to be sure to CONFIRM with me that I am absolutely, positively, sure that I want bubbles because now it's hard for me to see my toys AND my butt...but I'll let it go this time." 
Ahhh grace is a good thing.


"Mom, what does it feel like when the baby toots in you?"
Gee- I totally never thought of that before but now I wonder at least what does it look like?!   I mean, does the amniotic fluid bubble like when you're in the tub?

I am addicted to this kid and his "kid"ding.

The Family of Goofs

James and his new wheels for his 9th b'day.  He pitched in $30 of his own $ to help pay for it!

Ireson love to wear the "grandpa hat."  His head is almost big enough to fill it out.

 We took Panera to Daddy at work.  Oober special treat for the kids and I.

Yes even the black one is a goof ball. We call her doofy more than Storm.

The One and Only WitTea

Teagan loves to read, write, pass notes and leave little love notes, and all around be witty and often a down right stinker in some of her chronicles.  These "notes" may come in under our bedroom door around 9pm - 10pm at night and chastising her father and I that we're "being too loud and be quiet because SOME people are trying to sleep!"  Typically it's because we're laughing at some show or having a good discussion, catching up on the days events, or yes, for whatever other fun reason,...ahem. You really can hear everything in this house though!

  I have often saved her little jot and tittles that she leaves around.  Last week she told me that she "left a quick note for Daddy down stairs on the kitchen counter and that I should be sure not to move it."  He had been getting home late every night that week and when we were at Walmart earlier in the day while they were b-day present shopping for their cousin, she bought Daddy one of his favorites, hoping it would help him cope with the week's stressors.

Mission accomplished because he even left the left-overs for us to share!

Though her sweetness may come in a variety of ways she is always sure to remind me of her being the only girl in the house.  This is a little snap shot of part of her Language Arts test where she had to come up with a verb or noun to fill in the blank.  Note #10

You have to admire her creativity.  I almost gave her extra credit!

Marriage potential

Taking the clothes out and folding them....

Returning them to the hamper for delivery.  This IS what he does.  He's got a great example for a Dad who is always helping out and making the women in his life swoon.

You know you want this one for your son-in-law!  We can discuss negotiating a dowry.

Loversonisms

Ireson, or more appropriately named "Loverson",talks daily to his baby brother in my belly and usually tells him he loves him and something about learning to wrestle sprinkled with other sage advise. Well, yesterday he told baby: "You're going to grow up to be a big boy one day but your head probably won't be as big as mine." Yeah- here's hoping as his siblings constantly remind him that his big head broke my pubic bone when I was pregnant with him. 

 

Today he told his baby, "and when you get big and learn to wipe your own butt I will check you to make sure you did a good job, but Teagan won't check you because she won't check me if she's being mean." 

And there you have it friends- words of brotherly wisdom from a 5 year old. I will keep you posted on the daily dose of Loversonisms.

Hello New Friend

Since I'm feeling practically normal with this pregnancy, we decided to go ahead and get another dog now before baby comes and while we have time to devote to training her and simply as therapy after losing a dog.  Though I'm not a "dog person" getting our new friend has really been therapeutic for all especially Teagan since she is the one who babies and mothers her new little sister.

Meet the newest edition to the family- Alaska "Storm" Ross- adopted 2-11-12. We picked her up in a wicked snow storm and her freakishly blue human like eyes remind me of the X-men character Storm.  She is 1/2 Husky and 1/2 English Spaniel.

Of course I don't have any updated pics as she is about twice that size now!

Goodbye Old Friend

During all of the hoopla of pregnancy we had to put our dog of 10 years, Lexi to sleep.  Here is a my former facebook post and some pics.

 

Watching your children go through true grief and acceptance of pain and sorrow is an amazing spiritual lesson indeed yet incredibly hard for a parent to watch. It's a hard life lesson that I pray will help them appreciate the joy that is to come in the kingdom. They know they're being tested they've said. 
 She's been their best friend and nanny their entire lives and ours for 10 years. She is incredibly smart, well trained and obedient and taught them a lot of responsibility. I've put to sleep 1/2 a dozen pets over my life and I think it's harder when you watch your children have to experience it. It just doesn't get easier and almost doesn't seem worth it....almost.

Petition

Teagan's prayer the night before we went to find out the sex of the baby.

"Lord, if it's your will to make the baby a boy then that's okay. I'll be content with that....but Lord, if you choose to make it a girl I would really appreciate it and there's still time to change it from a boy to a girl tonight before we go tomorrow but.... Lord, I'll be happy if it's a boy but PLEASE help me be happy if it's a boy if that's your will." Sheesh....she's killing me.

Slacker and Serious Stuff

Apologies my friends and followers.  I have been too busy, too lazy, and too full of excuses to maintain any sort of regular blogging.  I will try to do better.  Since many of you live far and wide and have asked me how things are going prego wise- I'll give you the gist of the past 7 months.

As for an update- I'm 28 weeks pregnant and in the home stretch called the third trimester.  I'm due mid June but I'll be shocked if I make it past the first week or so of June.  By the grace of God this has been the "easiest pregnancy" of them all.  Though that sounds like an oxymoron I am serious!  Yes, I had morning sickness for 12 weeks where I felt like I had the flu each and every day but big whoop by comparison.  I threw up only about a dozen times total this pregnancy as opposed to the hyper-emesis that I had with each of the other pregnancies where I was throwing up 12 times a day for 12 weeks...true enough. Perhaps since it has been 5 years since I was last pregnant, starting out in great shape, or simply being older with older hormones has made this time around so different.  The symphysis pubis disorder that I had mildly with Teagan and severely with Ireson and that is supposed to progressively get worse with each subsequent pregnancy hasn't nearly been as debilitating.   In fact- it's down right manageable.  I've had days where I feel like my hips are on backwards and my tail bone is facing the opposite direction, but that will last a day or two and then I'm back to skipping up the stairs, and moving around as though I wasn't pregnant.  Ireson's big ol' head broke my pubic bone during the third trimester and he was my most difficult labor as well.  So there are still a couple unknowns that remain to be seen. 

All in all though- God has been so good.  I think it's even more exciting this time around since the kids are all so much older.  9, 7.5, and 5!  They are all so in love with me being pregnant again and they're soaking up all the science and facts about fetal development and drawing so many spiritual conclusions on their own.  We've done the 40 days for life prayer marathon during this pregnancy and with all the abortion agendas going around in the news, the kids have really been prayer warriors for pregnant people and unborn life. 

SO- there you have it in a nutshell.  Now- I'm just going to post a bunch of pictures and keep you updated on all the sweet things that Ireson says to my belly everyday and I'll leave you with this:

"Good night baby.  I love you so much.  Sweet dreams while listening to Mommy's heartbeat." - Ireson (Loverson) Ross

Read Between the Lines

Okay- I'm back. Since I've been a slacker I thought this is a good comeback to my blogging days and ways.  So all I have to say is:

TAKE THIS!

 3 +

1 =  4

Blrrrrrrpppppppp!

Apologetics

Dearest cult like blogger followers- you know who you are.
I apologize for neglecting you for the past few months.  I will return soon with more antics of the Ross household.  In the mean time, sit back and relax- all is well here after a tumultuous summer of one family crisis after another.  Nothing the Lord hasn't handled and used for the good of those that love him.  I hope to write more soon...until then...

Random acts of...

Ireson was in his bed, he was supposed to be sleeping, and I caught him with his feet up pushing up under the top bunk and tugging at this cover I made to hide/block the slats under the top bunk.  During his acrobatics he pulled a part of the cover out from under one of the push pins nails that I had hammered in.  After I startled him with my stealthy motherly moves and snuck up behind him and stood there, I told him that if he was caught again and ruined another spot on the cover than he would be disciplined and punished. 

He sat there frozen and then with his big Eeyore eyes looked up at me with eager repentance and asked, "Punished? By God?"

I couldn't help but chuckle and replied, "No, God would be a LOT nicer and fair.  You'd be punished by me!" 
Apparently, that was satisfactory because then he said "Oh, okay," rolled over and went to sleep.






Today in Church, Ireson had to go for a potty break and he wanted me to go with him.  So, as usual, we went into the ladies bathroom and into the large handicap stall where there is ample room for a fleet of family members to assist the youngins with their potty performing. 

Now, lately at home I have been on the boys like crazy about their potty etiquette: turning the light on in the morning when you go to the bathroom, flush when you're done with going to the bathroom, aiming for the potty when you go to the bathroom, and most especially paying attention so you don't soak the floor or the potty when you go to the bathroom!  I'm convinced there is no safe/non toxic chemical way to get the "you smell like you're in a gas station bathroom" smell out of the kids bathroom.  Okay- perhaps it's not that bad but white tile and grout and 2 boys just don't go well together.

Anyhow, Ireson proceeded to stand in front of the potty at church and do his business when I hear him say with some panic in his voice, "MOM...I need your help."

"What's the problem buddy, just finish up?"

"Noooooo," he pleaded.  "I'm all done but, (insert grunt and shoulder shrunking) I don't want to pee on God's potty and I just did!"

"Ireson, it's okay- he'll forgive you and I'll just clean it off." I reassured.

"Yeah, but this is HIS place and HIS potty and I don't want to mess up HIS stuff." he said very concerned.

"No problem buddy.  See, I'll just clean it up right now and it's fine- see?" I said as I wiped it off with a wet wipe.

Big sigh of relief .  "It's a good thing you know a lot about cleaning up potty's Mom."

"Yeah- I've had a LOT of practice."

No really, what About Socialization?

By:  Rebecca Kochenderfer
Seriously- people still ask that question. 
If only homeschoolers had a nickel for every time they heard the question, "…but what about socialization?" I'd be rich! That infamous socialization question, for any seasoned homeschooler, is quite a humorous one!


Although non-homeschoolers worry that homeschooling may turn children into social misfits, we know that the opposite is true and the positive socialization is one of the best reasons to homeschool your children.

For centuries, children have learned socialization within the context of their own family and community. Institutionalized education is relatively new to the human condition. It is, and it always has been, through the home environment, that children learn the vast majority of their socialization skills. 

[I've also heard the "well, eventually they'll have to face the real world."  Exactly!  And where does most of our "real world" happen when a child's grown?- IN THE HOME.  And where do we want them learning the skills of how to "deal with the real world"?  FROM THE HOMEMAKER!  Homeschooled kids are out in the community dealing and communicating with people of ALL ages, ALL ethnic backgrounds, of ALL socioeconomic classes, ALL the time.  Just because one is home-educated doesn't mean they're home alone.  Yes, people still think this.  Being stuck behind 4 walls for 8 hours a day with only people of their own age and maturity doesn't define effective socialization to me.]

Research supports this. According to Home Schooling and the Question of Socialization by Richard G. Medlin, "Home-schooled children are taking part in the daily routines of their communities. They are certainly not isolated; in fact, they associate with--and feel close to--all sorts of people."

He continues, "Home schooling parents can take much of the credit for this. For, with their children's long-term social development in mind, they actively encourage their children to take advantage of social opportunities outside the family. Home-schooled children are acquiring the rules of behavior and systems of beliefs and attitudes they need. They have good self-esteem and are likely to display fewer behavior problems than do other children. They may be more socially mature and have better leadership skills than other children as well. And they appear to be functioning effectively as members of adult society."

This and other studies support the irony of the socialization issue in homeschooling that we have known for years, which is that traditional schools are actually more on a path of de-socialization. In traditional schools students learn to stay in a class to which they've been assigned and are grouped according to age and academic level, and generally with students from the same geographic area and socio-economic background.

So in a sense, as I like to say, many people are homeschooling because of socialization reasons.

I remember my daughter, while she was in a traditional school, getting in trouble because she wanted to talk to her friends in class and the teacher kept saying ‘We're not here to socialize, young lady." The structure and reality of traditional schools are teaching students to be passive and compliant, which can follow the children throughout life. Children can learn to take abuse, to ignore miserable bosses or abusive spouses later on. In a traditional school someone else usurps authority.

This is where homeschooling comes in. Kids in homeschooling develop self-confidence and self-esteem; they learn to deal with difficult people when they are developmentally ready. When they are ready to go out into the world they know they have choices, a foundation developed in homeschooling.

So, the big question in homeschooling socialization is "Who do we want them learning life skills from? Caring adults, or peers who don't know any more than they do?"

In other words, socialization in homeschooling works better because children have more opportunities to be socialized through the modeling of good social behavior by caring adults rather than through peers, who do not know much more than they do. Parents give their kids the skills they need to interact with other people and also have the chance to protect their children.

Now what about the good stuff like Prom and Graduation? Many non-homeschoolers ask if I feel that I am depriving my daughter of these experiences. However, my daughter both participated in Prom and Graduation—they were just not organized by the state or a school. Many states and homeschool organizations have established proms and graduations for homeschoolers and a homeschooling family can even create their own private way to celebrate rites of passage.

Homeschoolers can participate in these activities because learning is faster in a homeschool setting, which means that students have more time to socialize. Contrary to popular belief, students are not at home chained to the kitchen table and crying over their worksheets every day, or peering out their work room windows with fear and disdain!

Quite the opposite! Homeschooling gives children more time to be out in the world, with people of different ages so they can figure out where their place in the world is, what they like/dislike, etc. With the extra time, homeschoolers also make an effort to create socialization opportunities for themselves, and to take advantage of those offered in their communities.

Organized spelling and geography bees, math leagues, and science clubs give homeschoolers a chance to compete academically; and swimming, soccer, baseball and other sports also allow them to interact with their peers in athletic competition.

Scouting, 4-H, and other activities are community-based and open to anyone and so provide homeschoolers with a variety of choices for socialization. Below are some other useful ideas for finding chances to socialize.

Opportunities to Socialize:

Get connected with homeschooling support groups, both state and local organizations.
(Homeschool.com has a complete list of local homeschooling support groups at: http://www.homeschool.com/supportgroups)
Find pen pals or e-pals (email).
Participate in homeschool family get-togethers, where you can often find out about non-publicized cooperative classes and field trips.
Get involved in community resources and opportunities - sports, scouting, dance/theater, etc. Contact your local parks and recreation departments.
Check out your community college, which is a good source for older students and allows them to interact with a lot of different people of different ages.
Volunteering. Volunteering is a great way to socialize but be aware there may be age restrictions, but some organizations will allow a child to accompany a parent volunteer.
Look into Camps. Camp is a wonderful chance for socialization and most camps have multi-age groups and counselors who act as role models.
Think about summer school, which is an opportunity to experience a school setting.
The homeschool support groups mentioned above work as support for the entire homeschooling family, which is important because homeschooling parents also need socialization; they need to have support, advice, and a sounding board from time-to-time and it is especially helpful if it is another homeschooling parent. Homeschooling organizations make it a priority to provide support for the homeschooling family and to allow them to feel connected.


So, as we've always known, there is no "socialization issue" in homeschooling. If anything, homeschoolers make a concerted effort to seek out and engage in many social activities and in many ways have more opportunities for doing so than traditionally schooled children do.

*This article published November 3, 2009.