"Vengence is mine," sayeth the 4 year old?

Sarah was over on Monday and I was about to leave to go workout. Sarah, likewise, was headed out the door to go home. Teagan and James decided that they wanted to whine about me leaving and ambushed Sarah and I at the door...about to go out...so close...yet so far....

James kept asking (i.e. whining), "But, WHY do you have to go tonight?! Can't you just go tomorrow?" Whimper, Whimper.

Teagan, chimed in (i.e. higher pitched whining), "Yeah can't you just go tomorrow....I don't want you to go." Snarff, snarff.

Sarah, being the older and wiser sister, thought she should nip this in the bud and tell them very matter-of-factly why I had to go tonight.
"Your Mom has to go tonight. Otherwise, her butt will get big (pause) -er."

I of course just looked at her, busted out a laugh and assumed a retrieval high-five position at my own burned expense.

But- hold the press! Before said high-five could even be delivered, Teagan (the apparent wiser, younger, little sister) said: "Yeah- like you!"

HA! Take that Sister Sarah! I felt such sweet victorious revenge...and it wasn't even of my own accord.

I'm glad Teagan has my back...or butt rather:)

James Jaguar

Whenever there is a scheduled Elders/Deacon's or board meeting at church for James to attend, I try to schedule going over to Sarah's or Lydia's that day/evening. After running around we'll go to Sarah's to take naps and then eagerly await her arrival home after work that evening.

This past Tuesday we had a day of absolute blessed and beauteous weather. James went outside, sat on her stoop, and patiently waited for Sarah's car to pull in to her parking lot.

He sat there for a good 10 minutes or so before coming in and asking me if he could climb that "great climbing tree right outside her door and if I would give him a boost." It was indeed a GREAT climbing tree for a boy. Every kid should climb a tree in their childhood if not have some great ones in their yard at least!

Anyway, I said "sure!" So he commences up the tree and perches himself in an animail-ic sort of style whilst looking at me with these intent and glaring eyes. I had a feeling of what was coming....He let out his quite impressive jaguar snarl/growl. At that moment, it just so happened that Sarah's neighbor was walking to his door. James looked right at him, as though stalking his prey, and let out the same snarl and then proceeds to warn the poor middle-aged man that "I'm going to eat you!"

"What kind of bird are you supposed to be?! " the man asked.

"I'm a jaguar not a bird. (Insert another growl here) -that's what jaguars do," replies my head-case child.

"Oh! I thought you might be an opossum or something," said apparently confused neighbor.

Trying to assure the man that this was typical 6 year old boy behavior, I said: "If he were an opossum, he'd end up my road-kill at the end of the day!"

Well, laughs were had by all and James remained pouncing and perching around in that tree for a good 45 minutes explaining all the different things that a jaguar could do in that tree including: "drag (me) up the tree and eat (me) because he has fully retractable claws."

It's a good thing he chose fajitas for dinner.

Halloweeners

I was a painting fiend all this past week. I did Teagan's room in two days and then my room another two days with some assistance from my painting guru cousin the last day.

In the meantime, the kids were great at entertaining themselves, getting along, taking care of their baby brother, and being all around good little siblings.

On the 3rd day, I heard an awful lot of laughter coming from Teagan's room so I went to investigate. Upon entering I see James all decked out in Teagan's hair paraphernalia like a lion with a headdress and Teagan likewise donned herself like an African princess.

Oh the gaudiness! Oh the somewhat disturbing-ness seeing your son so enjoy the girlish festivities!

I asked them what they were doing and they told me that, "they were dressed up like all those Halloweeners."

"Halloweeners?"- I asked?

"Yeah, ya know...all those kids who are too old to get candy who dress up and look funny on Halloween. They're Halloweeners."

I had comfort in knowing that my kids have never heard the word they didn't intend -"wiener" and have no idea what it could mean. And yet, I thoroughly enjoy that title and description of "all those [dumb and selfish] kids who are too old to get candy [because their parents are morons and let their kids go out T and T-ing] who dress up and look funny [and often very inappropriate] on Halloween."

I too say- "they're Hallow-wieners!!"

Ingenious!

The other day, Ireson was eating a snack (one of his favorite pastimes). He stuck a grape on the end of his pretzel stick and proudly stated, "HA! Look Mom, Sucker!" - I wonder if I could market that?!

Dr. Ross

We took Lexi to a grooming appointment which requires a 35 minute or so car ride to get there. Lexi came to us with a severe car phobia of which it has taken almost 8 years now to break! She does much better now and jumps into the car on command and barely even drools anymore. She happily assumes her seat in the back next to James.

About half way to our destination I asked James how Lexi was doing.
He said: "She's okay. She's only drooling a teeny bit and she's not even shaking. I think she's pretty stable."

I'm glad I didn't have to get there Stat!

Rain Man

I asked Teagan if she wanted to take a "B" (blanket) to Sarah's to take a nap. She said "no, she has a blanket there for me to use if I need to." I asked her if she knows where it is and she replied, "Definitely, definitely not. You may have to call her because I definitely don't know where it is."

Man oh Man!

James was down working in the basement today and I gave Lil' James the option to go down there and work with him instead of resting. He heartily replied: "Hmm....(big sigh) Okay- but I might get immersed in doing manly stuff."

I'm glad he warned me!

The Cool Cat in the Hat

Ireson loves to wear hats. Unlike typical kids that will pull them off after a few minutes, he'd wear his all day long and even sleep in it (which he's tried!) The other day he grabbed his hat while sitting on the counter and put it on and said, "COOL!" Then he proceeded to turn it around backwards on his big ol', not to mention same circumference of his brother's head, and said, "Heh, Heh,- Me more cool!"

Only a Lansing would be proud!

Teagan and Ireson were sleeping so I had my "special time" with James since he only needs a nap about 1-2 times a week now. During this time I like to do our 1 on 1 school time. Most of the time it's reading and phonics and is reading has blossomed since it's quiet and he can concentrate without his 2 younger siblings clucking in the background. Today we decided to just play games. Crazy Eights was the game of choice today...a game that we played many a time with my dad when we were all little. This particular deck however, is decked out (no pun intended) with animals. So about the 3rd or 4th game I told James to go ahead and deal the cards while I went and started dinner. I got the meat browning and he called me over when he was done. About a third of the way through the game I realized that the kid had 3 eights (wild in this game) in his hand and he didn't need to draw a card yet! I on the other hand had to keep drawing to find the card tho match what he kept changing it to with all of the eights he had! Finally, he goes out on an eight!

I sarcastically said, "MAN - You didn't shuffle very well! How did you end up with three eights?! Sheesh!"

He just looked at me with this "stop feeling sorry for yourself/matter of fact" look on his face and said: "What?! I gave you one."

Allow yourself to imagine my face in total shock and awe at this point! Uh huh- that little stinker totally stacked the deck.
"You little cheater. James! I can't believe you did that!" He's just laughing and turning red and giggling at his clever little self.

Honestly though, I couldn't help but grin and chuckle to myself and be a little proud thinking about he was following his natural genetic predisposition of becoming a Lansing cheater.

Sucked Dry!

Ireson still nurses about 2-3 time a day: morning, nap, and night. He only goes for about 30 seconds or so on each side. Then he pulls off and looks at me and says, "All gone, Suck dry." I said that to him months and months ago as he looked at me with question and concern and says "all gone?" I simply had to tell him that he drank it all...it's sucked dry! Now it's his affirmation that he's done and all is well.
He loves to be all sweet, loving and fatherly and role play with baby dolls and nurse them, etc. Yesterday he was nursing his baby and patting her back. He pretended to pull her off and said, while shaking his head and giggling, "doh, doh, doh, baby...all gone. Sucked dry."

Packed and Dry

Teagan has this thing where she LOVES to put her baby dolls and stuffed animals in Rubbermaid bins. She packs them in there nice and tight and then snaps the lid on...nice and tight. It just seems wrong on so many levels doesn't it?! I can't help but laugh whenever I see a new stuffed and shoved toy! I asked her what the deal is with doing that - to which she replied: "Oh, it's so they won't get scared and they feel safe."

And yet I can't help but think that her poor little lamb is scared to death of suffocating and feels anything but safe!

To make matters even more interesting. I found one of Teagan's dolls all tied up on her dresser with her jump rope. She told me that she got her wet and that she was "hanging her out to dry." I shudder to think she gets her parenting tactics from me:)

Einstein?

I was helping James build a fort/garage with his Lincoln Logs. We were having a heck of a time trying to figure out the best way to maintain stability for the structure on the carpet. Amidst the assembling and encouraging of each other, James asked me if I knew how to build houses like Daddy does. I told him no but I can still be pretty handy around the house when I need to be. Then I suggested we use a certain piece to brace this other piece, and so on and so forth. James boisterously burst out "Mom, you are a genius!"

Golly- he'd never called me that before! I felt very honored and so smart. Why did a compliment of this caliber, coming from an almost 6 year old, make my day? Well, I don't know- but it did!

Then he concluded: "Even though you can't engineer stuff like Daddy, you're still pretty good at this building stuff...but you're NOT as smart as Daddy is though!"

Huh...pride, warm and fuzzy feelings gone. Sigh. I just convinced myself that he was talking about me not being as smart at building stuff rather than everything in general because...well....come now! I had to retain some semblance of dignity at this point!

It's sad to think that the day is soon coming when my son will realize that I don't know EVERYTHING! I remember thinking my parent's knew EVERYTHING when I was younger. Yet, thank goodness that I don't remember the point when I realized that they didn't know everything...because...well...come now! - that would have been as shocking as me admitting that James is smarter than me at EVERYTHING!

Oh Bother Brother!

Teagan has been saying "Oh, bother" as her personal expletive for a few weeks now. It's so cute how she gets all Pooh-ish when something goes wrong. James was playing with her the other day and accidentally broke whatever she was building with her Krinkle blocks and glumly sighs: "Oh Bother Brother Bear. Just look at what happened. Now you must help me re-assemble it!"

Teagan gets to go to her cousins Sadie and Josie's house on Wednesday for a Princess sleepover party- complete with dress up clothes, finger sandwiches, and frills! The excitement has been brewing for weeks and it has finally arrived! She keeps reminding her brother, much to his dismay, that "the party is only for girls. No boys allowed because their stinky and they don't like princess stuff! Only Uncle Jesse is allowed to be there because he lives there." I asked her what she was going to do if Uncle Jesse started to get all ornery. "Well, he better watch it because we'll just have to kick him out," she said with such seriousness that I wouldn't dare mess with her! Then shaking her head in disgust, she concludes, "And if he is all stinky then he will have to sleep upstairs because I am not going to sleep near him, and Aunt Von Von (Devone) can just (insert long sigh) well- sleep with me I guess."
And there you have it.

3 roses for 3 kids. So what does 6 roses mean? Ahhhhh!

So James got home yesterday and was working on the van trying to get the battery charged, with little luck for the first half hour. I was getting nervous that we would have to fold the entire evening's plans. Lil' James is telling me that I'm not allowed to go out there in the garage because I'm not allowed to "see." Finally, James got the van going and he came in to get ready whilst trying to level the temper fumes brewing in his brain. Meanwhile, we're running almost a 1/2 hour late!
All of a sudden I see Ireson toddling over to me yelling "fowers, fowers, fowers!" He handed me 3 roses. I forgot that I had those coming!
Let me explain...Ever since we started having kids, James gets me a rose for each kid for Valentine's Day. I hadn't gotten flowers from him since we were dating and it was almost 6 years into our marriage before we had our first child. So, getting flowers (even one) can be a big deal if I choose to let it! So when we had Lil' James I got one rose, the next year we had Teagan and I got two roses, and so on. Finally, I'm up to three roses now! Well, the first year when we had Lil' James, my husband so elegantly explained to me that if I ever want to get a dozen roses again then "you know what you have to do."- But not in those exact words..funnier, somewhat cruder...but not appropriate to post:)

I have to re-explain this concept to the kids every year. This year, Teagan figures since there is one "for each of my kids" then she should get to have one for herself. "Back off Chucky," was my only response. Hey- I got flowers and I'm gonna save them and dry them like the rest! I at least let her smell them.

So the next day, Valentine's day morning, we went down stairs and there were 3 more roses on the counter! Wait a minute!!! What does this mean?! Have the rules changed?! Is there something I don't know about?! Even if I included the dog as my 4th kid I'd only be up to 4 roses!
Teagan immediately assumes "it's a miracle. God brought them down here- so now I can have one!" Luckily, I was able to appease her with heart balloons from last night's dinner. James, the logical one, says that "someone must have put them there because they could not have grown there overnight Teagan! Use your head!" Ireson, the repeater, exclaims in a somewhat confused state, "God! Here! One! Night!"
I just figured that the florist was only selling roses by the dozen or half a dozen so James had no choice but to bring home 6. So I ask the kids what they think this means if there are only 3 kids and 6 roses now. Lil' James deduces, very matter-of-fact: "Well Mom, you better start having more kids, 'cause you're getting old."

I'll get to the bottom of this eventually.

A day like today...

Today I made special pink Valentine's Day pancakes (made with cherry juice) and cut them into hearts with a cookie cutter. It was a big hit with the kids and they were thoroughly enjoyed by all...including me and my not usually so creative or caring about V-day self!



Summoned to a mother's mundane duty of the wiping of Teagan's booty: "MOM!!! I'm done! It stinks in here and you're just gonna have to deal!" and after said booty call - "Thanks Mom, I appreciate it." - She's been saying that on and off for some time now and it just never gets old for me. - The appreciation bit- not the butt wiping:) Some of you are probably thinking that it's ridiculous that a 4 1/2 year old can't wipe her own butt. I agree- however, my Tea is short appendage challenged, like her mother, and she simply can't reach. We've tried teaching different techniques to help but it just isn't happening....maybe when she's 12?



Teagan and James had to agree on a short spiritual video to watch today before naps.. This usually poses an interesting, yet often confrontational situation between the 2 of them including bribing, flattery, bartering, and the whole nine yards till they get their own way. So finally Teagan pulled one out and boisterously said: "Mom, this one will be popular with both of us! What do you think James?"



All the kids got their own piece of mail today- a special Valentine's Day card, complete with a $1 dollar bill, from Grandma and Grandpa! Ireson opened his, grabbed the dollar and started yelling: "GOD! GOD! GOD!!!"
Translation: "I have money to take to church to put in the envelope in Sunday School class to give to God! Yahoo!"
James asked me: "Mom, after I give part of this to God, can I take the rest of it to buy something at the store?"
Teagan: "Sure you can James, just rip off God's piece and put it in Mommy's purse for church and then you can take the rest."


I went to load up the van for the evening's festivities and saw that the side "automatic" magic door was left open by the kids yesterday around noon! Needless to say the battery was dead beyond dead. I called James and gave him a heads up.

Devone (sister-in-law) planned a "Sweethearts" dinner for our church at one of our member's restaurant with babysitting provided at her house right around the corner! She's always so thoughtful and creative with planning things for our church. I'm so excited to get all dolled up, go on a date with James with my church family and laugh and hang out and do my hair, and have an alcoholic drink! Sounds immature - I know...but hey! For a girl that only consumes alcohol but once every few months or so-this can be a luxury! I'm talking about something fruity, colorful, high-calorie, with whip cream and a cherry on top...oh and don't forget those cute lil' umbrellas. I'll take those home as souvenirs for the kids. The alcohol is just an added perk. Honestly, after 2 sips- I'm toast. It's that almost 6 years of breastfeeding that have left me with no tolerance.

Normally, Valentine's is not a big deal to us. The reason being that we think that we don't need Hallmark dictating to us when to celebrate our love for each other or the excuse that people have felt "love deprived" all year and Valentine's Day needs to be the day to make up for it.
To James and I- every day is Valentine's Day. That sounds totally cheesy, I realize!!! Rather, we feel such wonderful, complete, blessed love in our marriage on a daily basis that Valentine's Day is just another day of the week. No big whoop. Don't get me wrong though...if the opportunity comes along to do something extra special around this time...then we're game!- I mean, bring on the excuses to have fun and laughter!

Nothing like a sister to encourage you...so I thought.

Sarah, the kids and I all went over to Darryl and Lydia's the other night for some puppy love and family time. Our entire family had received some stressing news that day, and we were all kind of down in the dumps and weary at all the world's workings and these end times that we are experiencing. I was casually discussing some personal stress and concerns about motherhood, work, church, etc. with my sister Sarah.

So Sarah, using her self acquired soft skills, - kindly offered her words of encouragement in a way that only Sarah can pull off:
"Ya know Beck, you are doing the only job that you are supposed to be doing right now and that's being a mother! Your kids are great, they're a joy to be around, everyone loves them and they're so impressed with them (blah, blah, blah)...and you're doing a great job!" Then she points over to Ireson (who is running around rampantly in a circle like a dog chasing his tale and acting like his usually nutty self-amusing self) and she says, "I mean, just look how smart he is!"

Yeah- he must get that from his father.

Permission to pee?

I decided to give all the kids a bath last night. James asked if he could take a bath by himself in my bathtub. This is a special treat for him to get sit and bathe in the "big tub" in deep water. We haven't made a habit of this since a jacuzzi tub takes a lot more water to fill up even if it's for just one teeny, tiny body in there! Usually, I just throw all the kids in their tub and get them in and out in a rotating fashion after they had some play time. He's getting old enough where he needs his own privacy as well. So, I obliged and figured I'd let him play and then do the other 2 kids after him.

Well about 2 minutes after his submersion I hear him yell: "Hey Mom, can I go ahead and pee in your bathtub?!" Gee- I appreciate the thoughtfulness of him actually asking since it's my tub and I forgot to remind him to "go" before he got in!

How do I respond to this?!

Honestly, every kid does this. Every adult has done this at some point or another too! I wasn't sure if I wanted deal with a wet floor and wet toilet seat or just let the kid pee and sit in it. I mean it's sterile, there's so much water that it will just be mostly diluted anyhow, right?!

Sorry for those of you with weak constitutions but...I told him to go ahead but he'll just have to sit in his own pee. To which he responded: "That's okay Mom. It will just make the water warmer anyway." Sheesh...gotta love the logic of kids.

Don't worry people, I drained the water before I put the other kids in...most of it anyway:)

When I grow up...

Today Teagan and I were having our typical and frequent discussion about who she is going to marry when she grows up. She absolutely knows that THE MOST important thing is that they are a "man of God and a child of God, etc."

She was explaining to me her newly elaborated idea of what this guy should be like..."Okay Mom. Listen. So I know that they have to love God and all that stuff. But I'm thinking that since Darryl is married to Lydia, he (as in her husband) has to be funny and act like a dog when I tell him and go to puppy jail!

And since Grandma is married to Grandpa he (future said husband) has to go to Jamaica a lot and be ornery but not scare me like he did my baby brother! AND since Daddy is married to you already and he can't marry me then he (the doesn't know what's going to hit him future husband!) has to be stinky and give me a beat-down. Okay? Don't you think those are good ideas?"

To the average person Teagan's future husband may sound like an abusive, taunting, scruffy guy with bad hygiene... but I think that sounds just swell.

Trick or Treat?

The kids had a great day doing school work Friday. They were enthusiastic, diligent, studious, and James really impressed me with his reading when he was concentrating. Since we were stuck at home all week with Ireson being sick for one day, and me waiting for the rest to get sick too...I was ready to get out and grocery shop! Exciting I know.

So, I decided that I would get the kids a super special treat. I'm talking an all out, nothing like mommy's normal definition of treat, sugar blitzing, blow the kids away, make you sick treat!

On the way to the store I told the kids my plan.
Response: "What kind of treat? A piece of cheese?" (A visit to the deli counter gets kids a free piece of cheese- highlight of the whole outing.) "No", I said, "bigger and better." "A cookie?" "No."

At this point they are at a loss for what I, me, the mother of all nutrition-nazi moms, would give them as a treat. Then I dropped the bomb! "What do you think about a doughnut?!" Insert shrieks, shrills, screams, and shouts of pure elation here- I mean the kind that make your ears hurt and you think someone is hurting them!

Then of course they revert to concerned questions to decipher my honesty on the matter. "Really? Why? Not cheese? Why would you give us a doughnut?"
I told them that I figured that it's close to Valentine's Day and that the store should have the decked out doughnuts and it would be fabulous!!!

So we went to the doughnut area (a place of the store they had never been around before so you can imagine their wide and googley eyes about to pop out of their heads) AND they all picked out their own special doughnut complete with 1000 calories, frosting, sprinkles, preservatives, sugar, processed ingredients, and intestinal distress waiting to happen!

So we got home, unloaded and they all lined up like the traditional, sweet deprived soldiers that they are, and got their doughnut on their plate. The flew over to the table and commenced with the gorging! I kid you not- Ireson had his entire full sized doughnut in his mouth in under 60 seconds. Hands and face caked with white frosting complete with pink and purple sprinkles. There was barely enough room for his jaw to move up and down so he could chew! What was even funnier was him trying to talk to share his gratitude and grins!

Teagan and James were close behind. You could hear all the yums, mmms, and ahhs, and ooohhhhs and expressions of complete and utter satisfaction. Then Teagan, stares me down with the most intent and earnest look and pauses from the gluttony to share this with me: "Mom, I just love this soooo much. I can't tell you how much I love this. It's better than cake with frosting with candy on top of it. It's just so good." You swore she was going to cry from such an intense level of fondness.

Then James pipes up with a rather full and vommitus tone to his voice. "MOM- I don't think this was a good idea! I have a really bad stomach ache. I don't think my stomach is used to this much sugar! YOU (as in me-mom) were NOT responsible."

HA! He was actually trying to make me feel guilty and irresponsible for giving him such a wonderful treat. I of course had to offer to eat it for him. A totally hypocritical moment for me:) I think I enjoyed it almost as much as they did....without the shrieking of course.

Whistle while you work...."whoo whoo whoo whoo" - when you're 2 ?????!!!!!

So we realized almost a year ago that Ireson could whistle. It seemed like a fluke thing because it would only occur once in a while. He couldn't do it on command, and it would happen when he'd be walking around just being goofy and making noises. Then, all of a sudden you'd hear a "whoo" -an authentic whistle! He has only done accidentally since.

James, on the other hand, had perfected whistling last month. He can mimic a tune, whistle a song, call for the dog, and whistle a happy tune at any ol' time. Ireson and Teagan are very proud and try their hardest to achieve that high pitched, little "whoo" that every kid so anticipates! So whenever James starts to whistle, Teagan and Ireson try to chime in. Teagan sounds more like she's singing a "hoo hoo."

Then it happened! The other day, I see Ireson toddling behind James in a parade-ish sort of way- whistling! It's just a little intermittent whistle- but it's still a genuine whistle! If you ask him- he can do it. It's kind of freaky seeing a 2 year old whistle. What's next - blowing bubble gum bubbles, snapping his fingers, tying his shoes? Stop the madness!
Here's a clip of him doing it...this one is faint but it's definitely there! He normally does it louder!